Would you like someone to travel beside you as you take some time out to get a fresh perspective on life? Would you like to learn about relationships, develop self esteem & emotional awareness or release deeply painful memories and emotions that have been there for what seems like forever?! I've found this work to be deeply healing and transformative and I'd love to share it with you. What originally drew me to this way of being supported, was the feeling of being deeply understood. Hakomi people just seemed to get me in a way that meant something deep inside rested and said 'yes, that's it!'. What a relief.
Psychotherapy as a Spiritual Path
I want to give you a brief overview of how I work and what my approach is based on. There have been lots of courses and trainings over the years but it turns out nothing is as potent and healing as mindfulness or letting the attention rest with the present experience. And what makes it even more potent is when we sit together with someone else who is aligned with your intentions and wanting the best for you. It's been studied and there's even a term for it, limbic resonance. It can also be termedloving presence which is how it is used in this way of assisted self-discovery.
The Missing Experience
If you're interested in coming to meditation or therapy, you might say that something inside of us is looking for something that we don't have or we don't have enough of. There's something missing altogether or it's a random experience that teases us with its elusiveness. And wouldn't it be great if it was as easy as going to buy a new/replacement something on Amazon. But the trouble is that maybe 1. We don't know what it is that we're missing. Examples might be confusion, self-doubt, uncertainty, who and what to trust, lack of support, self-sabotage, a hidden inner critic, knowing what healthy boundaries are. 2. Even if we know what the problem is, it can seem incredibly hard to experience the thing we want. Examples of this might be Self-esteem & worth, confidence, love, connection, support, trust, encouragement, communication skills, clarity, strength combined with compassion.
Here's one brief example of a missing experience
Sometimes because of something that happened in our past, there may be a part of us that doubts if we are loveable. Painful things, maybe traumatic things may have happened to us and not really knowing how it happened, we have given those experiences a meaning. We may feel or reason that because we were treated badly, we were treated like that because we are not loveable or there is something wrong with us. If this happened when we were a child, we may not have received the reassurance that bad things can happen to us, but that doesn't mean we're not loveable. So in our sub-conscious, there may be a memory which co-exists with a feeling (in this case a bad unpleasant feeling) and thoughts which we take to mean "I'm not loveable", "no one loves me" or "there's something wrong with me". Remembering here this is an example.
Continuing on from the example above .... because this experience of not feeling loved feels at best, less than desirable and at worst, pretty horrible we develop ways to manage the feeling. Often that means we learn or are told to
get over it. Just get on with it
stop your crying
pretend it's not happening - "I'm ok"
All this contributes to a sense that we shouldn't be feeling what we're feeling and so we hide it. The hiding is the shame.
Firstly, working with the missing experience is not about fixing something that happened in the past. We can't change the past. But we can, with the help of someone who understands the process, turn towards the way that we experience difficulty in the present and learn new helpful ways to engage with life. Using the above example again... The missing experience may be remembering how to open to, receive and be nourished by love, kindness, encouragement, support and connection in the present moment. In opening to support as it is here now, we're rewiring our being to know when and who to open to and when to not open. We probably don't want to be emotionally open to everyone so we're not locked in open all the time, but we're not locked in closed all the time. Love may not be here from others 24 hours a day, but at least when it is here, let's enjoy it. As you read this, there may be a part of you going "Yeah, but, what about .... ". I want to let that part of you know that yes, there's a lot more to this and you'll have your own unique inner world and experiences. And that's why you can't read about this and experience a deep transformation, we have to be together exploring your present moment experience to uncover the things that hold you back.
Neuroscience shows us that we are all capable of change at any stage of life. Gratitude, appreciation and kindness all play a vital role and are also skills that we share together on the path. This is a very simplified way of explaining how change can happen. My role as a therapist is to listen to you, clarify what I've heard and open new possibilities for ways you might get what you're after. Maybe these are things you've not considered or that have seemed out of reach and the path to them unknown.
What makes change easier is when it's not suggested from outside (the therapist or well meaning friends), but is a connection to something inside that we know is true. There's a unique understanding that you have about this and it has a potency for your life, that no-one else can know or experience. So together, we tune into that and let that guide us. Along with the pain, confusion or difficulty, there's also something else inside calling out that wants to emerge and be free.
There is a part of us that somehow knows and is always moving towards some sort of happiness, peace, wholeness, vitality, clarity, confidence. This part of you knows that there's something more to life and it keeps looking regardless of how bad things can seem to be. This part of you also knows the deeply satisfying "yes!" that comes when you touch on it.
This elusive "something else" is what we get clearer about and what we move towards in our sessions. This part of your being is deeply nourishing, satisfying, fulfilling, resilient, strong, loving, connected, open to support and being encouraged. Connecting with these qualities of life brings us in tune with a natural inclusion and belonging, a sense of purpose and a natural knowing of what is most important to us. This knowing leads to a huge reduction in the ways we create harm and suffering for ourselves and an equally vital increase in the ways we know what nourishes our deepest being.
There's a great teaching story in Buddhist mythology. The Buddha as a young man on his path, had been meditating in a very strict and highly concentrated way which included ways to gain control over the mind by fasting. The story goes like this.... he said that he was so thin that when he ate a few grains of rice, he could feel their outline in his belly. Well no surprises, eventually he collapsed from this effort and harshness and something in him let go. As he sat there exhausted and defeated, a memory came from childhood of a time when he was naturally happy sitting under a tree where he grew up. This caused him to change his approach and allow nourishment, care, kindness and love to guide his efforts.
What I take from this is that there's no need for huge effort to change ourselves based on an idea that there's something wrong with us. The alternative is to spend some time with someone who can help us be clear on
Positive qualities. What is nourishment, kindness, encouragement, love, support, healthy boundaries and other qualities like this about? What do we mean by this? Importantly, we explore how they affect you.
How might we be blocking these things? What is trust and what is trustable.
How can I recognise them so that I get more of them
As we explore, there's a natural part of you that begins to see clearly where you want to head, what you want to do and who you like to hang out with and at some point your heart leads the way. I want to emphasise here, we're not looking for a perfect scenario or ending. It's not always going to be perfect because life is not like that.... but it becomes clearer how to be with imperfection, to hold disappointment with care and also to allow the delight and nourishment that comes from kindly reflecting on our efforts.
The aim of this way, as the young meditating Buddha-to-be found out, is about engaging in life in a way that feels increasingly satisfying, fulfilling and nourishing (fill in your own words here). It's a gradual path. Stephen Levine wrote a book called A Gradual Awakening which summarised this beautifully. By putting the focus on to the qualities of life that nourish us, something happens that allows a natural blooming.
Interested to read more about the theory and origins of Hakomi?
Hakomi Education Network is a growing International group of therapists, trainers and people interested in the work of Ron Kurtz. The work is super helpful for anyone... you don't need to be a therapist or be in therapy to enjoy its benefits. It's about a basic goodness in life that's deeply supporting and life affirming.
Interested but want to know more?
Starting therapy can feel a bit daunting. There's nothing worse than going to someone and feeling like that was a big waste of time and money! I get it. We want to know first and then do... but without doing something, you'll never know what it's really like... So here's a couple of ways I'd like to support you in coming to a decision that is right for you.
You can call me anytime to ask questions, to suss me out and get a sense of what this is about. Call 0412 018962. If I don't answer, leave a message letting me know when it is a good time to call you back.
Calling may be an important step in clarifying what you need. Just by talking to me, it may eliminate me from your list of who you'd like to work with! It's important that it's a fit for me as well. I'll be sure to recommend one of my friends if they might be better suited to work with you.
Listen to your heart, your intuition. This is a quieter voice than the one that might be anxious or untrusting.
Would you like to begin?
You can book a private session by calling me anytime on 0412 018962, international callers +61 412 018962
Email:Click here to email. Please know I won't answer any long questions via email. It's really unsatisfying and doesn't work as a way of communicating other than to book sessions.
All sessions are held within the safety of complete confidentiality.
How to meet up for Sessions
There are a number of ways we can meet and each one has its own benefits.
Therapy at home or wherever you are
This way of meeting up and getting support might be best for you if you find your life is quite busy or if distance makes in-person sessions impossible. There's nothing like meeting up face to face but it can be really nice just to sit in the comfort of your own place and have a session. I work with people all over the world and find it really effective. I receive my mentoring and supervision via internet sessions and high recommend it.
Sessions can be held from the early morning through to the evening.
These sessions are very effective and can be arranged anytime, all you need is a computer and good internet connection.
How does it happen?
Zoom is my preferred application for video meetings and I find it consistently reliable. I don't use Skype anymore because of ongoing problems with upgrades, connections and dropouts.
Download Zoom: from https://zoom.us/download You can sign up for free and they don't spam you hard. Once we've organised a meeting time, I'll explain how it happens. It's a little different to Skype but great once you are used to it.
In these sessions, we tune in to the resources and allies the natural environment holds for us and use them to support our healing and freedom from the past. There's something magical about being in nature that is deeply and naturally healing.
I'm happy to talk about this anytime. It's one of my favourite things to do.
$100 AUD for 1 hour
$145 for 1.5 hours
$180 for 2 hours.
$130 for 1 hour
$180 for 1.5 hours
$210 for 2 hours
$180 per hour if held at my regular sites. Travel time can be negotiated if we do it elsewhere.
Please note: Eco-therapy sessions are preceded by at least 3 sessions in my clinic, possibly more. Before heading outdoors, we need to form a therapy relationship and to have mutual agreements in place about how to do sessions outdoors. It's important to set it up well so that safety, care and support are well considered. Going slow, is going fast.